Movie Man reviews 'Machete,' 'The American' and 'Going the Distance'

09/03/2010 by Owen Michael

It's Labor Day weekend and the end of the summer movie season and all in all, it's not been very good.

But let's see if we can go out with a bang as director Robert Rodriguez delivers a sexed-up end-of-summer bloodbath with Machete.

Yes, Machete is a renegade Mexican Federale who plays by his own rules.

After his wife is murdered by a drug lord, played by Steven Seagal, Machete flees to Texas, but vows revenge.

He eventually takes a job to take down a crooked senator, played by Robert De Niro, but soon realizes he's being set up, and the bloody mayhem ensues.

Starring alongside Danny Trejo as Machete are Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin and a naked Lindsay Lohan -- what?

The reel deal: This is clearly an over-the-top exploitation film that delivers, and then some. If you've seen the ads, the studio wants you to know that Machete is Rated R for strong language, extreme bloody violence and strong nudity. Seriously, what's there not to like? It's a bloody, sexy, kick-butt end of summer movie treat. I'm in!

Next up, George Clooney is an assassin looking for some quiet time in Italy in The American.

In this thriller, Clooney plays a hit man for hire. After a job ends badly, Clooney retreats to the Italian countryside. In the mountain town, he strikes up a red-hot romance and takes one more job that proves to be a big mistake. The movie is Rated R.

The reel deal: Slow-burning, subtle, the thriller is really the polar opposite of a movie like Machete. But Clooney is surrounded by beautiful countryside and beautiful women, and he may be the only American who can keep us interested and pull off this very quiet, restrained Euro-thriller. I'm in.

On this Labor Day weekend, if you're looking for something that will make going to the movies feel like work, then there's the romantic comedy Going the Distance.

Real-life exes Drew Barrymore and Justin Long star as a couple hoping to turn a summer fling into something more.

The only problem: They live on opposite sides of the country. Christina Applegate and Saturday Night Live funnyman Jason Sudeikis co star.

The reel deal: Going the Distance doesn't go 10 minutes before you realize this is one of the worst, most contrived, miserable romantic comedies of the year. I'm out.